Facebook has become a major part of our social life. Facebook is a place where everyone shares photos, statuses, messages, and videos. Here are the best funny Facebook status updates that you can share on your wall to get some likes.
Funny Status For Facebook That Everyone Will Like
I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.
I`m going to stand outside. So if anyone asks, I am outstanding.
If you’re no longer covered by your parent’s health insurance, your manufacturer’s warranty is over.
What do you call a sick eagle? Illegal.
I talk to myself because I like dealing with a better class of people.
The primary source of income: when my mom gives me money to buy something and doesn’t ask for the change back
A mathematician`s favorite place in New York City? Times Square.
I sleep better naked… Why can`t the flight attendant understand this?
Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up.
Why is miss Universe always from Earth?
The news is basically just someone saying `good evening` then giving you a list of reasons why it’s not.
I stopped fighting with my inner demons. We are on the same side now.
Pain is nature’s way of saying “don’t do that”. Painkillers are man’s way of saying “Watch me”.
When you`ve been hiding something in your room and your mom says ” I cleaned your room today.”
Dating a person because of their looks is so shallow. Consider other things like, do they have a lot of money.
Don’t use the bathroom in your dream. It’s a setup.
When people don’t sit next to me on the bus: offended and relieved. when someone sits next to me: Irritated yet flattered.
I must be wishing on someone else`s star because it seems someone else is always getting what I wished for.
I hear there is scientific proof that birthdays are good for you… the more you have the longer you live.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Me: Can I have $5? Mom: What happened to the $5 I gave you in 2008?
I wear all black to the gym. It’s like I am attending a funeral for my fat.
You think I’m not online. But I’m always here. Even if I’m not posting. I’m here. Scrolling. Judging.
Calling someone without texting first is the new showing up unannounced.
Funny Facebook Status 2020
If you are looking for a funny Facebook status that you can share on your wall, then your search should end here. Following are some of the best funny Facebook status that will make your friends rolling on the floor.
The only thing I gained from 2012 was weight.
I have a defective iPhone X, I keep pressing the home button and I’m still at work.
Facebook is a place where people always think your status is about them.
Those times when you say something stupid and think, ‘Yeah, that sounded way better in my head.’
Editors at fashion magazines do a great job. Women continue to hate their bodies!
That awkward moment when you write your password in the username space.
I like my women like I like my weekend – short, filled with liquor, and gone by Monday.
I like my men like I like my coffee – sweet, white, strong, instant, and finished so I can move on to the next cup.
That awkward moment when one kid in PE class always thinks it’s the darn Olympics.
When a fairy gives me four wishes: 1. Money without working 2. Smart without studying 3. Love without hurting 4. Eat without getting fat.
Smartphones, smart cars, smart televisions time to make smart people!
The tooth fairy teaches us to sell our body parts for money.
I’m gonna stand outside. So if anybody asks, just say I’m outstanding!
Men chase women they don’t intend to marry for the same reason dogs chase cars they don’t intend to drive.
I accidentally bumped into my ex today… With my car… at 60mph… on purpose.
No price tag means it’s free, put it in your pocket.
Why do tests on animals if we have pedophiles in prison.
Why I Drink Alcohol: Because no great story ever started with someone eating salad.
I hate people who steal my ideas before I get time to think of them.
Whoever tucked the ‘S’ in Fast Food was a clever person.
Behind every great woman, is a guy looking at her ass.
I might as well change all my passwords to “woman” because nobody can figure them out.
Look, I’m not a smartass. All I’m saying is if you caught me, officer, then you were speeding too.
Funny Jokes For Facebook Status
People like jokes. Jokes make them laugh and smile. Here are some good jokes that you can share on Facebook with your friends to make them smile and laugh.
When I’m bored nobody texts me but when I’m busy my phone blows up with text messages and calls.
If two past lovers remain, friends, its either they are still in love, or never were.
If you talk behind my back, you’re in a good position to kiss my ass.
If I only had a week to live and could go anywhere in the world, I think I’d go to the hospital cause that sounds serious.
“LIKE” means, I have read it but I am too lazy to comment.
“FACEBOOK” helping stalkers since 2004.
“QUITTING FACEBOOK” is the adult version of running away from home. We all know you do it for attention but you’ll be back soon.
“FACEBOOK ADDICT” because time is not going to kill itself.
Life is like a MOVIE If u r sad DRAMA If u r afraid SUSPENSE If u r angry ACTION When u look at the mirror HORROR.
If money was grown on trees, women would be dating monkeys!
A man climbed into a bus and the driver asked”where are you going to” the man replied, “to the back seat”.
Question: Why Does A Bumble Bee Keep Honey Under Its Pillow? Answer: To Have Sweet Dreams.
Where does a snowman keep his money? In a snowbank.
If You Ever Get Caught Sleeping On The Job. Slowly Raise Your Head And Say ‘in Jesus’ Name, Amen’.
When I was a kid, my parents would always say, “Excuse my French” just after a swear word. I’ll never forget my first day at school when my teacher asked if any of us knew any French.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? a “Do-you-think-he-saw-us”.
There once was a magical cliff and below that was a magical sea. When you jump off the cliff you say what you want to be and you turn into that. The first guy jumped off and wished to be a fish. The second guy jumped off and wished to be a shark. The third guy tripped over a rock and said “oh shit” and he turned into. A turd.
A couple had been out shopping for most of the afternoon. Suddenly, the wife realized that her husband had disappeared. She was so angry, she rang his mobile and asked, “Where are you?!” In a calm voice, he replied, “Darling, do you remember the jewelry shop we went into 5 years ago, and you fell in love with that diamond necklace that we couldn’t afford and I said one day when I had enough money, I would get it for you?” She smiled and her eyes filled with tears, “yes, my love I remember.” “Well, I’m in the pub next door to that.”
A young woman goes to confession. ‘Bless me, Father, for I have sinned,’ she says. ‘Last night my boyfriend made love to me seven times.’ ‘My child,’ replies the priest. ‘You must go home and suck the juice of seven lemons.’ ‘And will that absolve me?’ asks the woman. ‘No,’ replies the priest. ‘But it might take that smug look off your face.’
I went out on a date and we walked past this new posh restaurant. “Did you smell that food?” I asked. “Incredible!” Being a nice guy, he said “I’ll treat you, baby” So we walked past the restaurant again.
Doctors and scientists agree on the benefits of an afternoon nap, yet still, my boss thinks he knows better. Ridiculous.
My boss texted me, “Send me one of your funny jokes.” I replied, “I’m working at the moment, I will send you one later.” He replied, “That was fantastic, send me another one.”
Question: Why is money called dough? Answer: Bcoz we all knead it.
Guyz just imagine how easy physics would have been! If instead of an apple, the whole tree would have dropped on him!
What do you call a man who lays in front of your door all day? Mat.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball? Juan on Juan.